Sleeping Arrangements

I’m an Interior Designer. Which means I had visions of my baby girl’s nursery from the second I found out I was pregnant. I worked on it for months, and loved every minute of it. Took me forever to decide on the perfect crib, and I had visions of us tucking her in at night (again with the idyllic visions).

Sleeping has been an issue from the beginning. I knew she would be in a bassinet in our room for at least a little while. So we tried it the first night home – and failed miserably. First of all, it wasn’t easy for me to get up and down after a C-section, so getting in and out of bed to feed her was no picnic. So we opted to sleep on the couch. And we ended up doing that for weeks.

Trying to calm Madison down in the early days was no easy feat. Majority of the time, she would fall asleep nursing. I was frightened to move her, so I would let her sleep on my chest. I had to get sleep somehow! Well, that turned into the only way she would sleep, which was horrible for me because I was constantly worried she would fall. So I never really got any true sleep.

I started really resenting her at that point. I’m sure it was due to the complete lack of sleep (and the out of whack hormones). I wanted so bad just to sleep on my side, in my own bed – was that too much to ask??

Now, at 8 weeks old, she is usually ok sleeping on her own. In her bassinet or in her swing (we keep both in our bedroom). There are still nights where she just won’t fall asleep anywhere else but on me – but they are becoming less and less.

We usually never got more than 4 hours sleep at a time (after about 4 weeks that is), but the other night she actually slept 7 hours straight! The next night she only slept 3, but hey, we’ll take what we can get!

Smiles

The one thing that gets me through even the most difficult days are the smiles. She smiled at me for the first time a few weeks ago. Now, she smiles when I talk to her. Which makes me feel like I’m finally doing something right.

Given, we do go from smiling to screaming in 2.2 seconds, but those times when her eyes light up and she gives me that huge toothless grin, make up for it.

Some days I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of this mommy thing :)

Daily life at 8 weeks

The days have become a bit easier for me now. I’m sure it’s partially due to the fact that I’m more used to her, and more used to understanding what she needs. I can distinguish cries more easily, the hungry cry is different from the wet cry or the bored cry. We know what works, and what doesn’t.

We don’t go through as many “major” tantrums in a day any longer. I think that partially has to do with her being on medicine for acid reflux. She had a hoarse cry for a week or so, and the pediatrician suggested we try out the meds to see if it helped. In all honesty, I was hoping it would be a cure-all. I thought maybe she was just in pain from the reflux all the time, and maybe that’s why she had been so difficult. It’s helped with the all out screaming (for the most part), but she still is who she is. We have good days and bad days.

I know in the mornings that the bouncy chair works. She likes to play in the afternoon – now that she can see further, she loves her Lamaze play gym (which is awesome by the way, check it out) and sometimes she just wants to be alone, she loves to lay on the couch or in her crib and look around. Lately in the evenings, the swing works (which she hated in the beginning).

My best advice – try everything, multiple times. If it doesn’t work one day it will work the next. And when all else fails, leave them alone to take in the world.

Reflection

So Madison is almost 8 weeks old now. And we’ve survived thus far! As I reflect back on the past 8 weeks, there are some things that I wanted to share.

I had this idyllic vision of what having a baby would be like. I thought that first time I held her I would be automatically bonded to her. I thought I would spend my days rocking her to sleep, reading to her, and going for strolls around the neighborhood to show my beautiful little girl off.

Well, none of that happened as I had envisioned. I felt so horrible in the beginning when we first brought her home. Between the hormones, the pain, and her constant screaming – I wasn’t able to feel that instant connection. I felt like a babysitter, when I looked at her she didn’t feel like mine. My days were spent breastfeeding constantly, and hoping that I would find that one thing that would console her (for at least a little while anyway). I felt like such a bad mom, felt like it had to be my fault that she was so unhappy. There were times when I had horrible thoughts – things like, I hate this baby, I hate being a mom, why can’t she just be normal?

I’ve come to realize now, that it wasn’t what I was doing. I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It’s just how Madison is. And once I came to terms with that, I was finally able to bond with her a little more – for who she is, not for who I wanted her to be.

Don’t get me wrong, I still have days that I wonder why she just can’t be like all those other babies I see. But I just remind myself that she is who she is.

Stuff…and more stuff…

People kept telling us we had too much stuff. I was having way too much fun baby gear shopping to stop though. Everyone said, “there’s no way she’ll use all of that”.

By the time she was born, we had a bouncer, cradle swing, pack & play, tummy time pad, and a floor gym. On top of the toys and other fun things. I too started to think that we had too much, but I wanted to be prepared.

And boy am I glad I was prepared. We use all of our stuff, I wish we had more stuff – I wish we could live in Buy Buy Baby!

A high needs baby needs lots of things to keep their attention and to help calm them down. We usually will get anywhere from 10-30 minutes of calm time with any item. And then we have to find the next thing that will work.

Here are some of the things we have found work best for Madison:

• The vacuum has become our best friend. My advice – buy a cheap shop vac. They’re meant to run for longer periods (and you won’t ruin yours). White noise helps her immensely.
• Bouncy chair on vibrate on the dryer (with the dryer on).
• Pacing back and forth while patting her on the back. She’ll wake up immediately though if we stop patting.
• Nursing – which now I don’t mind, but in the beginning was more painful than birth – seriously.

If you have a high needs baby, let me know what’s worked for you!

Breastfeeding a High Needs baby

I had decided when I was pregnant that I definitely wanted to breastfeed my baby. I knew it would be the best thing I could do for her. So immediately after my C-section, in a drug induced stupor I may add, the nurses kindly helped me figure out what I was doing.

I was fortunate, Madison latched on right away and, with the help of a few other nurses during my time there, we were well on our way. The weeks that followed were not what I expected though to say the least. Everyone had told me how important breastfeeding is and how much it can do for the baby, but no one told me how hard breastfeeding is. I mean HARD. It adds so much more work to the whole process.

I thought I was prepared, I had the lanolin cream, the pads, the bras. Everyone failed to mention that my nipples would end up with scabs on them (even with a baby that latched on correctly), that it takes forever to find a comfortable position, and that it hurts like hell!

And on top of things, I have a high needs baby. Which meant I was breastfeeding her non-stop. I would finish one feeding and she would be crying for the next. She used me as a human pacifier, it was one of the few things that would instantly calm her those first few weeks. I was sleep deprived beyond belief, in a ton of pain (both from my surgery and from my breasts). I wanted to give up so bad those first few weeks. I cried constantly, and begged my husband to get formula. But something always stopped me from giving up – and I’m glad I didn’t honestly.

Homeward Bound

I was beyond grateful to get out of the hospital. I wanted to sleep in my own bed and start getting used to the idea of “mommy-hood”. Luckily, my husband had that first week off from work. I don’t think there’s a way I could have handled it otherwise.

We didn’t know that Madison was a “high needs” baby at first. We just knew we had a 6lb. 12oz. bundle of constant crying joy. After 4 or 5 appointments with our pediatrician telling him our sleepless woes, asking if a 1 week old could really have colic, reading all of the books to determine what (if anything) could be wrong with our perfect little baby girl, he finally told us the “diagnosis”. We were blessed with a high needs baby.

Great, what the heck does that mean?

Here’s my definition. Basically, it means that they need all of your attention all of the time. If they aren’t eating, sleeping, or pooping – they’re crying. And it’s a cry that will get your immediate attention. They will let you know when something isn’t just right – or if they’re bored, wet, tired, annoyed, or any combination of the former. You can love them until you are blue in the face, and they will still find something to cry about.

Sounds like colic you say? There’s one major difference. You can always find something that will console a high needs baby (you just have to work at it). A colicy baby can’t be consoled at all.

This is a great article from Dr. Sears to determine if you are blessed with a high needs baby too:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/T050400.asp